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In the arena of drinking I’m the underdog, the little guy, the one who will most likely lose the bout. I get drunk quickly, like the prepubescent teen having sex for the first time who can’t last longer than a few strokes. I am not ashamed; I love it, no need to be machista, no need to act hard around the boys and pretend I can hold my liquor like a politician can hold office. I am arrogant, conceited, and self-righteous in terms of being a lightweight. If it was a badge, I’d wear it on my chest.

I am a cheap date, so buy me a beer and have your way with me. Chivalry died long ago so it’s ok if you pay for some beers, I’ll get the next ones. Just beer please, no liquor, I am sure you want me to function tonight.

Unfortunately, liquor is the kryptonite to my superman, you know, my seed giver. I‘ve had the case of the whiskey … ehh …. stick before. Yea whiskey stick; whiskey stick is quite embarrassing. But no worries, just give me the morning to make it up to you. I always wake up with an Eiffel Tower and I assure you that you’ll want to see all 3 levels.

Drink up, gorgeous; drown your inhibitions, no need for them tonight. Relax, laugh, and open yourself up to me. Like Anthony Bourdain, have no reservations. You can die in 30 years, maybe 20, or even tomorrow, so enjoy the now and float on a cloud of lust with me. Let our passions burst out like a shaken soda can. Let our energies melt the ice we make love on.

There is no destination in our voyage of passion. Throw your itinerary out the window. No plans, no rules here. I am a fugitive running away from complacency, and repetitive routine. Run away with me. Just know our paths will eventually split and other roads will be taken like Robert Frost took when two paths diverged in the woods.

As we trek the avenues of desire, we’ll be sightseeing tantra, love, sensuality, and erotica. Take your chastity belt off, there is a dress code. I don’t know how to spell abstinence, but I can spell sex, want to write it with me?

I don’t want to hit the sheets with you, let’s massage them instead. Let’s rent a canoe and excite the waters. Our union is like a river building up from a stream to a waterfall. Damn, your name might as well be Aphrodite, because you’re my aphrodisiac.

Be the plug to my outlet, let’s connect. Got jealousy? If so, we CAN’T relate, join me when you evict it out. Want marriage? The thought makes me want to divorce. Want kids? Go adopt some; you lack kids like many kids today lack parents. Want exclusivity? Sorry baby, I only like parachutes that are open, otherwise I’ll plunge to my death.

If we are on the same page, let’s go to the next. It’s a large book; let’s start on the chapter titled, “My Bed.” Tomorrow we will read “Hangover” and still see if we want to finish the book together.

Your eyes must be filled with Sirens cause they are calling to me. I looked into them, now I am held captive and I don’t want to be free.

Yea baby, I am a cheap date; a lightweight, that small fry at the end of your plate. Give me attention, give me love, it’s never too late.

***Thank you for taking the time to read my work. If you enjoy what you read; please share, like, and comment. All of these details help me drastically and will allow me to write more often. Thank you for your support!***

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21 thoughts on “Cheap Date

  1. Story of my motherfucking life! Haha I’ve been called a cheap date plenty of times cuz I can’t hold my liquor. But no complaints have yet been received and the only spectacle Ive made while inebriated has been with the sex that has at times followed. Great work, Montessi. Kinky 😉

      • great attitude, because I did mean that well. I also tried again with the comment because the first attempt failed so you can delete the first or second comment. Keep writing

      • Oh please don’t worry. I except criticism. I can get a feel of when someone means well or when someone is just trying to bring me down because of their own insecurities or anger. And I believe you mean well, so again, thank you!

  2. to be honest and to put it kindly, to me it reads like a long collection of well-thought-of but lackluster (and cheese) lines. I prefer your non-erotica work better or if you were trying to really get into bed, try harder.
    –constructive critic

    • Oh this isn’t an erotic piece at all. The piece I would consider erotic would be my “Eros at play” see if you like that one better. This was more of a fun messing around piece for me. Thank you for the criticism! 🙂

  3. Hello lover. I cannot take it anymore, I know you asked me to wait but it’s been two of the longest months of my life. I know you want to be careful about letting everyone know who you really are, but lover, I cannot wait anymore. I get so lonely in my trailer, your smell still lingers in the air. That night was magical. I’ve never had a lover so open and willing. Your the only man I’ve been with where I enjoyed going slow and passionate along with the rough and hard. I hope I wasn’t too rough on you though. I still don’t know how I made it to school the next day, that was the best 4 hours of my life. Where did you learn all those tricks?? My English teacher loves your writings, he has shown some of them to his period 2 class. I cannot wait until sophomore year when we focus on creative writing. And you were so right, I said the things you said helped to get people to think you were straight in my gym class and no one picked on me. Please call me as soon as you can, the wait is unbearable, especially after that night of a thousand thrusts…I LOVE your words…Just tell your friends that your going to an Occupy meeting like you did for that month you came to see me everyday. No one caught on so use that excuse again…Kisses, Randy Rodney Bertstrum

    • I am sorry, either I think you have me mistaken for someone else, or your comment is a prank. Regardless of which one, it made me laugh so thank you for that, and I don’t mean that saracastically.

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