In the arena of drinking I’m the underdog, the little guy, the one who will most likely lose the bout. I get drunk quickly, like the prepubescent teen having sex for the first time who can’t last longer than a few strokes. I am not ashamed; I love it, no need to be machista, no need to act hard around the boys and pretend I can hold my liquor like a politician can hold office. I am arrogant, conceited, and self-righteous in terms of being a lightweight. If it was a badge, I’d wear it on my chest.
I am a cheap date, so buy me a beer and have your way with me. Chivalry died long ago so it’s ok if you pay for some beers, I’ll get the next ones. Just beer please, no liquor, I am sure you want me to function tonight.
Unfortunately, liquor is the kryptonite to my superman, you know, my seed giver. I‘ve had the case of the whiskey … ehh …. stick before. Yea whiskey stick; whiskey stick is quite embarrassing. But no worries, just give me the morning to make it up to you. I always wake up with an Eiffel Tower and I assure you that you’ll want to see all 3 levels.
Drink up, gorgeous; drown your inhibitions, no need for them tonight. Relax, laugh, and open yourself up to me. Like Anthony Bourdain, have no reservations. You can die in 30 years, maybe 20, or even tomorrow, so enjoy the now and float on a cloud of lust with me. Let our passions burst out like a shaken soda can. Let our energies melt the ice we make love on.
There is no destination in our voyage of passion. Throw your itinerary out the window. No plans, no rules here. I am a fugitive running away from complacency, and repetitive routine. Run away with me. Just know our paths will eventually split and other roads will be taken like Robert Frost took when two paths diverged in the woods.
As we trek the avenues of desire, we’ll be sightseeing tantra, love, sensuality, and erotica. Take your chastity belt off, there is a dress code. I don’t know how to spell abstinence, but I can spell sex, want to write it with me?
I don’t want to hit the sheets with you, let’s massage them instead. Let’s rent a canoe and excite the waters. Our union is like a river building up from a stream to a waterfall. Damn, your name might as well be Aphrodite, because you’re my aphrodisiac.
Be the plug to my outlet, let’s connect. Got jealousy? If so, we CAN’T relate, join me when you evict it out. Want marriage? The thought makes me want to divorce. Want kids? Go adopt some; you lack kids like many kids today lack parents. Want exclusivity? Sorry baby, I only like parachutes that are open, otherwise I’ll plunge to my death.
If we are on the same page, let’s go to the next. It’s a large book; let’s start on the chapter titled, “My Bed.” Tomorrow we will read “Hangover” and still see if we want to finish the book together.
Your eyes must be filled with Sirens cause they are calling to me. I looked into them, now I am held captive and I don’t want to be free.
Yea baby, I am a cheap date; a lightweight, that small fry at the end of your plate. Give me attention, give me love, it’s never too late.
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